Psychoanalyzing a silly song

I listen a lot to a radio station that plays way too much geezer rock. One of the recurring features is this catchy, lightweight pop song, Smokie - Living Next Door to Alice (Official Video) (VOD) 06/23/2015:

It's a nostalgic song about a guy who grew up having a crush on the Girl Next Door, Alice. Now they are 24 and she's moving away, and he never asked her out or told her how he felt about her. And now it's too late.

It was a hit for the British band Smokie, released in 1976, though according to the Wikipedia entry on the song, it was first released by an Australian band in 1972.

In the 1990s, an alternative version emerged, mainly featuring an audience chant following Alice's name in the chorus. - that should be considered not appropriate for office listening! - and that just begs for some amateur psychoanalysis, smokie - who the f*** is alice (remastered) 11/18/2010):

I only just recently heard that version, and I was a little surprised that I found it so funny. Part of it was that I've heard the 1976 version so often it had become like elevator muzak and I thought it was kind of annoying. Adding a coarse touch to it simultaneously makes the listener focus on it in a new way and has the performer acknowledge that it's kind of a silly song: Who the f*** is Alice and why should anybody care?

Also, Alice and the narrator lived right next door to each other for 24 years. Years that included puberty for both of them. Dude, if you never made any kind of move during all that time, just face it: you're really not that into her.

Also, the song seems to presume that Alice never showed any romantic interest in him. Which is a pretty good indication she wasn't romantically interested, either. Because no woman is that passive!

So, the narrator-and-Alice thing was never going to work out anyway. So the narrator will get over her quickly enough that before long he himself will be asking, "Who the [bleep] is Alice?"

And since it's 2019, if we want to really overthink this (yes, I know I'm there already!), we should mention that it's possible that either Alice or the narrator or both have something other than a heterosexual orientation. For that matter, the narrator might be a woman.

Also, the alternative version sexes it up a bit, whoever's orientation is whatever. The Wikipedia article says:

Later versions of the song insert a profane interjection during a pause in the chorus (from the audience during live performances or from a guest separate from the lead singer): "Alice! Who the f*** is Alice?" (guests will sometimes say "hell" or "heck" for cleaner performances). These performances may also change a line in the chorus so that the singer's affections are as much sexual as they are romantic, and that the singer had hoped "to get inside her pants", instead of "get a second glance."

Apparently neither Alice nor her neighbor made a move in that direction, either!